Morph3ous’s Weblog

I was looking through my sent items for an email to a friend. While looking I found an email that I had sent to the webmaster of Aljazeera in April of 2004. I thought I would post it here.

To whom it may concern,

I am just an American student who is watching what has been happening in Iraq as of late. I have no connection to the US government or any other groups that concern Iraq.

I am not going to argue about whether I think that the war is right or wrong. That is not the issue I wish to speak about, but for the record I think it was a bad idea. Now I think that the most important thing for Iraq is to do what is best for its citizens. The war is already happening and it is very unlikely that the US will back down regardless of what happens. In the end Iraq will be given back to the Iraqis, but maybe with a government that is not what the people want.

I urge everyone to work within the system that is being imposed by the US. Let me give you an example. I do not like president Bush. Despite this, I do not wish to undermine the government or have him impeached. I know that the overall long term stability of the government is extremely important. What I will do is vote against him when given the chance.

I perceive that many Iraqis fear that the government that the US will set up may be a puppet government. This may be true at the onset, but if the majority of Iraqis begin to work within the system, the rest of the world will take notice. If the government does not allow you to elect those who you desire to run the country, then the UN and many countries will become furious with the United States.

In the end I guess that I’m saying that sometimes it is best to look at the long term. The ends do not always justify the means; however, some compromise may be justified. The longer that the violence continues, the harder and more violently the US will fight. It’s like two brothers fighting and both are too stubborn to arrive at a satisfying conclusion. If the Iraqis could be the bigger smarter brother and work within the imposed system to change it so that it is fair and really represents the people, I have no doubt that the world will applaud you and life will be better for the Iraqis. In the end you will not have been dominated by the US. What will have happened is that you showed us that you are bigger and smarter than we are.

Just a little disclaimer. I do not mean to offend anyone with this letter. I also am relatively uninformed about many aspects of the culture of Iraq. I wrote this out of genuine concern and a desire for peace. I hate war, and am upset when I hear of the deaths that have come out of it Iraqi, US, or otherwise. This is a message of goodwill.

This past week has been a scary one. My Grandfather who I care very deeply for is sick. He has cancer in his bone marrow. It is likely a rare kind that is not easily treatable, Merkel Cell Carcinoma. He seems to have come to grips with the possibility of his death. I am glad that he has. I am just scared that I will be unable to let go.

I am very close to my grandparents. My Grandfather and I usually see each other every week. We talk for hours over lunch, or while playing with his golden retrievers. He has lead a very rich life, and I have learned much from him.

Popular culture portrays the stories that their grandparents tell as cumbersome and tedious. My Grandfather’s stories are never like that. Many feel that spending time with their grandparents is an obligation. I feel that it is a privilege.

Right now my Grandfather is feeling fine. He is not pleased that he is in the hospital, but he feels alright. I do not want this disease to cause him to suffer.

He will likely have to go through an extremely powerful and unpleasant bout of chemotherapy. If he does in fact have Merkel Cell Carcinoma, then the chances of the chemotherapy being successful are slim.

He has survived many cancers before, but I have a particularly bad feeling about this one. If he dies, I will lose my Grandfather, and one of my best friends. I really hope that he makes it.

I love you Grandpa.

Via Slashdot:

The New York Daily News has a story entitled Nerds make Better Lovers.

The author looks at Courtney Cox, Tiger Woods, Rachel Bilson, and Christina Aguilera’s relationship choices. From this comes the conclusion that being a nerd is in. This article is a very poorly supported one at best.

The headline caught my eye. Despite being sorely disappointed with the article, I did find a couple of interesting quotes:

“A nerd is an excellent provider and a guy who puts you first,” says E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine’s love and sex advice columnist. “He’ll turn out to be a great father and a great husband.”

And, she insists that a woman who is willing to stick it out with a nerd and get past his quirks will be handsomely rewarded. “Don’t give up on him too fast,” she said. “If you stick with him, he’s going to turn out to be really great.”

“Girls tend to worry about what their friends are going to think,” she said, “and you have to get over it. You can’t always be making excuses and apologies. Give him the respect he deserves, and don’t always be assuming you’re better than him.”

Tonight I sit here pondering what love really is. It is late and I have work tomorrow; however, I can not sleep. What got me into this state of emotional turmoil? Surprisingly, it was a movie. I am not often moved by movies. That is why my tears at the end of this one caught me completely off-guard. The movie is The Notebook.

This movie shows the turbulence of love. Its premise is a cliché. Rich girl falls in love with a poor boy and they are not allowed to be with each other. What sets this story apart is the way in which it is told. I was astounded by how I could feel the joy and the pain of the characters as they explored love.

Young Noah in his first letter to Young Allie:

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever.

We use the word love too liberally. I suppose that is why we have the phrase true love. What is love then if it is not true love? Is there such a thing as a half-love? I do not think so. One of the reasons why we separate the two terms is to protect our own fragile emotional selves. If the relationship with the love of your life has gone sour you can just say that it was not true love. Each of us becomes ever more adept at the art of self-deception over time.

Love and time do not go hand-in-hand. Thus, two people in love are really in love. This love then is true, at least at that precise moment. Looking back on it one could argue that it was not; however, it was at that one moment in time.

How can we separate love and lust? Lust is something physical. It is a strong sexual desire for another. Love, on the other hand, supersedes lust. The physical is only but one facet of love. I do not think that there is any way to separate love and lust. There is either just lust, or love which contains a certain element of lust.

I admit that this definition of love is rather narrow. Maybe true love is what I am speaking of. Other types of love would then fall under the general umbrella of love. This includes love for your family and friends.

Love is a fuzzy concept. It makes you feel all warm and tingly. Your perception of the world changes. When you are with the object of your affection, everything is right with the world. This is what I am told.

On the other hand there is the dark side of love. This side is the one that I unfortunately have had more experience with. It may just be bad luck, or I may somehow unconsciously set myself up for it. What is the dark side of love? Love unreturned. When I have fallen in love in the past my senses were dulled, blinding me to the way the world really was. I have never had love returned.

The feeling is unimaginably sharp. It is like an emotional hailstorm beating down upon you from the inside out. This feeling is one that I would never wish upon anyone. There are many reasons why this has happened to me. One of the reasons is that I was younger, less mature, and saw things where they really were not. A second reason is that the girls that I fell for were not mature themselves. A third reason is that I felt so utterly alone in college that I needed to believe that I was loved by someone up there, even if I was deceiving myself.

There is a side effect of having gone through this experience more than once. I blind myself to love. I find myself being a pessimist that feels that true love will pass me by. Men have to go out and find love. I have not been doing that. Sadly, I can not seem to force myself to get out there and meet women. Clubs make me feel awkward. Bars just do not feel right.

Is there someone out there who reciprocates and will not play me for a fool? Am I mature enough now to not be too blinded by love? I simply do not know. These questions are keeping me up. I usually go about my life happily being single. Sometimes I feel that I am missing something. When I get this feeling it is strong. This is the type of feeling that can not be ignored. It is as if I have had 30 cafecitos and am trying my hardest not to feel the caffeine buzz. I am deeply troubled by this feeling as I know what it is trying to tell me, but I no longer follow my heart.

Toshiba has shipped me the new firmware, Seine 1.5.0. The television is working flawlessly thus far. I would like to thank those at Comcast and Toshiba who worked so hard to resolve this problem.

If you have a Toshiba television that is not working on the Comcast system, here are the steps that you should take:

1. Call Toshiba. Explain the symptoms that you are having. Let them know that you have a Motorola CableCARD from Comcast.
2. Ask the CSR politely if they would please send you the Seine 1.5.0 update for your television. If they do not know of this update, ask them to have Paul call you back.
3. Wait about a week and a half for the firmware to arrive.
4. Install the firmware following the instructions that arrived with it.
5. If the CableCARD still does not work, call Comcast and schedule to have a technician fix your problem.

Toshiba America Consumer Products (TACP)
(800) 631-3811

Comcast Cable
(800) COMCAST