Morph3ous’s Weblog

Today I have spewed forth an incredibly large volume of crap on this blog. I have spent the day wondering about the Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything. Thinking, just as the computer did in the book The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I have been introspective and have enjoyed my own company.

The question, as we found out in the book, was overly broad. Ok, let me admit that I have not yet had the pleasure of reading the book. I watched the BBC series on it, and unfortunately also watched the recent theatrical adaptation. There, of course, is no true answer when a question does not really ask anything at all.

Then, if I was not thinking about solving a valid question, what was I thinking about? I was thinking that it was stupid to feel so alone on certain occasions. To feel alone, I have to let myself feel that way. Today, even though I was alone for most of the day, I did not feel lonely. I wanted to be alone.

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Today I had a philosophical discussion with a different friend. He quite convincingly argued that there are a lot of cases in which one should not apologize. That it is important sometimes to be selfish and have your own interests at heart. That the human animal is inately both good and evil making a constant struggle to be a good person a waste of time.

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This whole prolonged family drama has had its positives and negatives. For me it has spurred me to go out into the world and forge new friendships, to experiment, and to have fun. It has also made me more jumpy and susceptible to strange bouts of low self-esteem and the feeling that I have to appologize for everything.

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My Grandfather is doing much better, and for that I am glad. He aparently still has cancer, but his quality of life has gone up markedly. There is one big problem that existed before and has really messed up the family. My Grandfather has effectively shown repeatedly that he could care less about his children. My Mom has not taken this all too well, nor have my uncle and my aunt on that side of the family.

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I have long wanted to build myself a PVR. I thought that it would be nice to be able to control what I watch, and when I watch it. Commercial alternatives are restricting their features too much for my tastes. I wanted a system that would give me full control over everything, even if it cost more to build.

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