Today I have spewed forth an incredibly large volume of crap on this blog. I have spent the day wondering about the Great Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything. Thinking, just as the computer did in the book The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I have been introspective and have enjoyed my own company.
The question, as we found out in the book, was overly broad. Ok, let me admit that I have not yet had the pleasure of reading the book. I watched the BBC series on it, and unfortunately also watched the recent theatrical adaptation. There, of course, is no true answer when a question does not really ask anything at all.
Then, if I was not thinking about solving a valid question, what was I thinking about? I was thinking that it was stupid to feel so alone on certain occasions. To feel alone, I have to let myself feel that way. Today, even though I was alone for most of the day, I did not feel lonely. I wanted to be alone.
It did wonders for me. I was back to my old self from a long time ago. During those times I barely had any friends and I was happy. Lately I have felt that by not having a lot of friends I was some sort of loser. That it reflected on who I was, and my worth as a member of the human race. When I would fail multiple times, I would become upset and try again. I would not look at things the way they really were.
It turns out that all I needed to regain my balance was to take some time to be alone with myself. During this time I thought only of myself. My wants, my needs, and my aspirations. I realized that I want to spend more quality time with me.
At this point, you may be wondering if I am a whacked-out lunatic. I can assure you that I am not. What I am is someone who has shifted his worldview from an unrealistic one to one that takes reality into account. I would talk up everyone’s positive sides and downplay their negative sides before. This is not realistic. It means that I was ignoring part of who my friends were.
Turns out that they are all just as imperfect as I am. The friend from the post Overarching Effects, for example, is a really good person. She can be very caring and helpful. She can also be very selfish and rude.
Guess what? I can also be very caring, or selfish and rude. In fact, I am rude some of the time without even realizing it. The point here; however, is that I ignored her rude selfish part and cherished her caring and helpful side. Just because I am now acknowleging her bad side does not mean that I do not want to be friends. Of course I do, because I enjoy her good side. What it does mean is that I can’t expect her to be someone who she is not. To expect her to always be kind and caring towards me would be unrealistic.
How does this realization change me? I will be glad to help her out, as long as it does not inconvenience me too much. I will no longer stop in the middle of doing something to help her out. Gone are the days when I would essentially sacrifice my desires and needs to help her meet hers. We can still be good friends without me being too nice for my own good.